Kenny On the Couch
Aired March 4, 2003 · Written by Bob Daily · Directed by David Lee
Skyline
A crane is seen hoisting an object over the skyline.
Frasier
Well, I think we've got time for one last caller. Go ahead, Mindy, I'm listening.
Mindy
[v.o., softly] It's about my mother, Dr. Crane. Ever since I got married, she's been...yes, the cashmere turtleneck is $39.
Frasier
Excuse me, what?
Mindy
Sorry, I work in catalog sales, and my boss just walked past. So, anyway, my mom...yes, it's on sale till the end of the month.
Frasier
Mindy, we are pressed for time.
Roz
Hold on, Frasier. Cashmere for under 40 bucks? I'll take one in black. In medium. Wait, is that medium-medium or unrealistic- anorexic-model-medium?
Mindy
It sounds like you might want to go for the large.
Roz
Oh, really.
Frasier
[cutting them off] And that's our show. What size will Roz order? Will she accesorize? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion. Good day, Seattle.
Kenny
Dynamite show, Doc, one of your best. Rosalinda, great work on the control panel. I'm going to start calling you "Control Freak." Well, you're probably wondering, "Who put a quarter in him today?" I just got a call from my lawyer. My divorce: final. I'm back to my tomcat days. [yelling with mock enthusiasm] Lock up your daughters, Seattle! Kenny Daly's on the loose!
Roz
You might want to lose the wedding ring, tomcat.
Kenny
Oh, yeah. Time to remove my shackle. [He attempts to remove the ring, but it won't budge.] Well, that's weird. Ooh, that's really stuck! Funny. That's how my wife described our marriage. [He continues to work at the ring, and begins to shake his entire hand violently.] "Stuck!" [letting his real feelings escape] Well, you're not stuck anymore, are you?! Oh, damn it, damn it!
Frasier
Kenny, Kenny, come on, come on. Come and sit down. All right, here. Take a deep breath.
Kenny
[recovering] I'm sorry. This thing's hit me like a ton of bricks. The only good news is I'll start getting a check every month.
Frasier
Kenny, um, divorce can be one of life's most difficult transitions. Have you considered seeing a professional once or twice a week?
Kenny
I've thought about it, but prostitutes are expensive.
Roz
He means a psychiatrist, Kenny. That is what you meant, right?
Kenny
A shrink? Oh, geez Louise. I don't think I'd be comfortable talking to a psychiatrist.
Frasier
Well, I'm a psychiatrist. You're comfortable talking to me, aren't you?
Kenny
Are you offering to be my shrink?
Frasier
No.
Kenny
Well, I could probably handle that.
Frasier
I was going to refer you to someone.
Roz
Well, can't you help him, Frasier?
Frasier
Well, I don't know, Roz. Giving psychotherapy to my employer? It's a bit of a gray area, isn't it?
Roz
[laughing] Oh, come on, it's not like he's a real boss.
Kenny
[rising] Yeah, Roz is right. Come on, Doc, I could use a little help.
Frasier
Well, I suppose if you'd like to stop by my place and discuss your feelings informally, there'd be no harm in that.
Kenny
Thanks, Doc. [They embrace.] And I'm paying you for your time.
Frasier
No, no, that's hardly necessary.
Kenny
No, no, no, I insist, now what do you get?
Frasier
Kenny, don't worry about it, I'll gladly do it for free. What do you say we get together Friday night?
Kenny
Thanks, Doc. I wish my ex-wife was as agreeable as you. And dead.
Frasier
Okay, maybe tonight's better.
Kenny
[intermittently sobbing] And the one time I was winning, my dad "accidentally" knocked over the checkerboard.
Frasier
Ah.
Kenny
And he made me pick up all the pieces, too. Fortunately, my mom was there with an extra piece of cake. [He breaks down and cries more freely.]
Frasier
I see. A controlling, narcissistic father and an overprotective mother. It has all the earmarks of a classic Oedipus complex. [speaking to the clipboard] Well, well. Old friend, we meet again. [to Kenny] Now, let me tell you, your deep-rooted feelings of castration...[A watch alarm beeps.] I'm afraid our time is up.
Kenny
[still sobbing] Wait, what?
Frasier
This has been fascinating. I believe we are finally on the brink of discovering a road into some real insights. I can't tell you, I believe I'm as exhilirated as you are.
Kenny
[far from exhilirated] Yeah. When are we going to talk about my divorce?
Frasier
Ah, you may not know it, Kenny, but we already are. Now, for out next session, I want you to write a letter telling your father how you feel. Don't send it, just write it.
Kenny
[exiting and turning back around] Homework? You never said there was going to be any homework.
Frasier
It's all part of the process. Good night, Kenny.
Kenny
But I...
Martin
Geez, I thought that would never end.
Frasier
Dad, how long have you been in there?
Martin
The whole damn time! I went in for a beer, and Kenny came in and started crying and I was trapped. [He gets his coat.] So how's talking about checkers supposed to help him through a divorce?
Frasier
Dad, the inability to maintain adult relationships often has its roots in parent-child trauma.
Martin
What's your generation gonna do when we're all gone and there's no one left to blame?
Frasier
You know, I really can't tell you how exciting it is to roll up my sleeves again and delve into someone's psyche. I don't even know where to begin, although you know, I do think it's particularly salient that the father never showed any interest in the things that were most important to his son.
Martin
Sounds good, Fras. Bye.
Kenny
Hey, Martin!
Martin
Oh, hi, Kenny, I didn't know you were here. How's it going?
Kenny
Okay, I guess. [He pauses.] I have an emotionally crippled father.
Martin
You don't say. [He calls the elevator, which Kenny apparently had not done.]
Kenny
So, where you headed?
Martin
Uh, gonna grab a beer at McGinty's.
Kenny
Really? Well, I'm sure dehydrated after all that crying.
Martin
You don't say.
Kenny
You mind if I tag along with you?
Martin
Sure, why not?
Kenny
Oh, thanks, Martin. I really appreciate it. I bet you were a great dad. [He starts to sob again.]
Martin
Oh, geez.
Daphne
If you want to learn yoga, why do we need some fancy private teacher? There are classes we could take together down at the Y.
Niles
Yes, and afterwards there are anti-fungal lotions we can use together, too.
Niles
Just give Ahmrit a chance. If we don't achieve physical and spiritual harmony, the second lesson's free.
Frasier
Oh, hello, you two.
Niles
Hey, Frasier.
Daphne
Hi.
Niles
Ooh, Freud, Bettelheim...Jung! Someone's playing with the big boys.
Frasier
[chuckling with satisfaction] Yes, well, it's for my patient.
Niles
[surprised] You're seeing patients again?
Frasier
Well, just this one for the past three weeks. Very challenging case, too. The man has father issues, any number of neuroses, and a phobia or two.
Niles
Sounds to me like you've hit the crackpot.
Niles
I'm sorry. I heard it at a convention.
Frasier
Yes, yes. [He continues to chuckle.]
Daphne
So how did you meet this new patient?
Frasier
Well, I can't really say, Daphne. You know, doctor-patient confidentiality...
Kenny
Hey, shrink buddy!
Niles
Hello, Kenny. How are you? Well, if you'll excuse us, we're off to buy sticky mats.
Daphne
[giving in] All right. [Niles and Daphne exit.]
Frasier
Kenny, have a seat, have a seat. So, uh, how are you feeling?
Kenny
Like a new man! Last night was just what I needed.
Frasier
I can't tell you how gratifying it is to hear that.
Kenny
Yeah. Me and your dad shut down McGinty's.
Frasier
[a bit surprised] Really? You and Dad?
Kenny
Yeah, actually, I'm meeting him here for coffee. Man, is he a hoot. He made me completely forget about my problems.
Frasier
Well, good for you! Of course, the object is not to forget about one's problems. It's to understand them. Of course, that can take a lot of work.
Kenny
Yeah, about the work part...your dad said something last night that made a lot of sense. He said I should get out more, and I was thinking, that's going to be tough to do if I'm seeing you twice a week, plus doing all this homework. I guess what I'm saying is...I want to quit.
Frasier
Kenny, I understand it must be painful to uncover what is a very painful past. But I must warn you that if you run away from this now, you will only be repeating a pattern that will prolong your unhappiness.
Kenny
I'm okay with that.
Frasier
[agitated] In these past few sessions, we have uncovered territory that usually takes months to reach! I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I've been on fire!
Kenny
Don't get me wrong, Doc, you've been great. It's just...it's not for me.
Martin
Hey, guys!
Kenny
Hey, hey, it's Party Hearty Marty!
Martin
Hey, hey, it's, uh...[He can't remember Kenny's bar nickname.]
Kenny
Sir Shots-a-lot.
Martin
Right, hey!
Frasier
Dad, can I have a word with you for a second?
Martin
Yeah, sure.
Kenny
Oh, I'll get us some coffee. [He goes to the counter.]
Martin
Nice guy. Doesn't hold his liquor like you think he would.
Frasier
Did you tell him that he should go out more?
Martin
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Frasier
Well, he is using it as an excuse to quit therapy. After one night out with you in a bar, the man is ready to throw away three weeks of intense analysis!
Martin
Well, Fras, the guy's finally having a little fun. Don't you want him to be happy?
Frasier
I am not trying to make him happy. I am trying to cure his depression!
Kenny
Hey, Marty, does this remind you of anything?
Kenny
Ow, hot, hot!
Frasier
[rising] Get the man some water.