Goodnight Seattle (Part 2)
Aired May 13, 2004 · Written by Christopher Lloydand Joe Keenan · Directed by David Lee
Daphne
There's a veterinarian's five minutes from here, I'm sure he can make Eddie cough up that ring.
Frasier
All right then, off you go, both of you.
Frasier
Hurry, please! We've only got the skywriter until five!
Frasier
Clint, would you please turn up that air conditioning to the maximum? That ice sculpture over there is by the renowned artist Arthur Nudzac, and it's melting already!
Frasier
What's that?
Clint
We just blew out the compressor.
Frasier
Just don't just stand there, please, call a repairman.
Roz
Frasier! Frasier!
Roz
You have got to let these people in!
Frasier
Yes, Roz, I'm sorry, I know it's warm...
Roz
No, it's not the heat. That truck that just crashed was full of cattle.
Frasier
Well, the sound of gentle mooing in the background might lend a pastoral effect.
Roz
Cattle, Frasier — large, un-diapered cattle that just heard a cannon go off!
Frasier
Oh. All right, I'll handle this. Um, wedding guests, we thank you for your cooperation and your patience...
Frasier
People, people, please!
Hauck
[to the owner] Okay, here are your pills, twice a day. [leans down to the box's door] And you feel better, Mr. Kitty Cat.
Hauck
Who's next?
Rachel
I am. [the monkey cheeps]
Hauck
Oh, gosh. Of course, I remember her best as the voice of Harley Quinn on Batman
Niles
Actually, we have an emergency here. Our dog swallowed a ring, and it's holding up a whole wedding.
Rachel
Go ahead, I can wait.
Daphne/Niles
Thank you./Thank you so much.
Hauck
Boy, no easy ones today. Talk about hitting the ground running.
Niles
Is this your first day?
Hauck
Yep. I'm not in Kansas anymore.
Niles
Where'd you go to vet school?
Hauck
Kansas. All right, here we go. Now if you hold his mouth open for me, I'll see if I can get his paw down his throat... [off their shocked looks] I'm just kidding, I'm just... you know what, why don't I just take your pooch to the other room here, and I'll just, I'll be right back.
Niles
All right.
Hauck
Excuse me. [picks up Eddie] All right, buddy.
Niles
Thank you.
Daphne
He has no idea what he's doing.
Niles
Oh, he's just new at this, he's nervous.
Daphne
I've been a bit nervous myself lately, ever since me brothers showed up.
Niles
Really? Why?
Daphne
Well, you know, the way they keep patting my stomach and saying, "he's a Moon all right!"
Niles
[relieved] Oh my God, yes!
Daphne
And every time they say that, all I can think is, what if he's not? What if he's like you and Frasier?
Niles
Excuse me?
Daphne
Oh, a Moon boy I know how to handle. But what if he's a little genius — teasing me in French by the time he's six?
Niles
[laughing] That is so funny — I've been worried he's gonna turn out like one of your brothers. I was sure when he kicked that speaker off your belly, that you had a little Simon in there.
Daphne
[chuckles] They are a handful, my brothers. I can just imagine the hell they're raising back there.
Niles
With an open bar?
Daphne
[gasps] Oh my God, my water just broke! The baby's coming!
Niles
Because I said "open bar"?!
Niles
Oh, okay, all right, don't-don't panic, there's plenty of time to get you to a hospital.
Daphne
Oh! — the hell there is, it's coming right now! Oh...!
Hauck
Here's your ring.
Niles
Oh, here, here — [grabs the ring] Call an ambulance, my wife's having a baby!
Daphne
There's no time for an ambulance! Oh!
Niles
Oh my God!
Hauck
Oh my God! Uh, uh, you know what, why don't you-you call 9-1-1...
Niles
All right!
Hauck
...and-and I'll just, I'll just get started here.
Hauck
Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait! [they stop and look at him] I'm going to wash my hands!
Daphne
Are you sure you know what you're doing?!
Hauck
Oh, I've assisted in many deliveries, ma'am. In fact, one just took blue ribbon at the Kansas State Fair.
Daphne
Oh! Oh my God! Oh!
Hauck
Easy now, you're doing great, girl.
Daphne
Don't call me that, I'm not a bloody poodle!
Niles
[into phone] Yes, hello, hello! We're at, we're at, uh... [checks the phone] 1206 East Vilage Road, my wife's gone into labor! [to her] They say the hospital is twenty miles away, can you make it if I drive you-?
Niles
She says no.
Niles
All right, they're on their way, they're on their way, now you just calm down. Focus on me, and breathe. Breathe...
Daphne
Oh! Oh, for God's sakes! Oh!
Rachel
Is everything okay in here?
Hauck
We're fine.
Rachel
Okay. If you need any help, I'm a registered nurse. [starts to leave]
Daphne
Oh, get the hell back in here!
Hauck
Easy, girl.
Daphne
Stop that!
Frasier
Roz, do not open a window until they tow that cattle truck!
Roz
God, it's a million degrees in here! We gotta get a breeze... [coughs] Oh my God!
Martin
Oh my God! [he and Ronee hold their noses]
Frasier
[putting a blithe face on it] Dad, Ronee! We're almost ready to start!
Martin
What's that smell?
Frasier
[pretending] Smell?
Guest
[holding her nose] Congratulations you two, everything's just perfect, sorry I can't stay!
Ronee
What's happening?
Frasier
There's been a bit of a mishap with a cattle truck, and-and the A.C.'s out. But no matter! Right, people? It'll take more than that to mar our joy at seeing these two become Mr. and Mrs. Martin Crane!
Frasier
Hello? Well, finally, Niles! Stop babbling! Listen, Niles, you'll have to speak up, I can't hear you with that baby screaming in the backgr... Oh my God!
Daphne
Isn't he perfect, Dad?
Niles
He certainly is, Mom. He's got your eyes and my chin.
Daphne
He's got my hair.
Niles
You think so?
Daphne
No, he's got my hair. Let go, dear.
Rachel
If you can part with him for just two seconds, I should finish cleaning him up.
Daphne
Of course.
Niles
We can't thank you two enough.
Hauck
[modest wave] Oh, please.
Niles
Really, if there's ever anything that we can do for you...
Rachel
You can do me one quick favor: my Jason is kind of overdue for his lunch.
Niles
Oh, of course.
Frasier
Hello? Niles?
Martin
Boy, some day, huh? Getting married and meeting my grandson all in the same afternoon.
Niles
Hey, you guys! You're just in time, come on in!
Martin
[to a gaping Frasier] Don't stare, you were no prize at that age either!
Daphne
Oh, look who's here. Hello.
Rachel
Here we go!
Frasier
Oh my God, he's beautiful!
Ronee
Yeah, that twin's gonna be jealous his whole life.
Rachel
Your ambulance should be here any minute, so I think I'm gonna go.
Niles
All right. Thank you again.
Daphne
Thank you.
Hauck
Uh, you sure you don't want me to check your monkey?
Rachel
[embarrassed laugh] Yeah, I'm sure.
Niles
Thank you.
Daphne
Thank you.
Martin
[tickles the baby] Hey there, you! I'm the one who's gonna spoil you rotten.
Daphne
Oh, you're so sweet to come down. But what about your wedding, all those people?
Martin
Oh, they'll keep.
Ronee
Yeah, as long as there's an open bar.
Daphne
[to the baby] Ooh! Settle down there.
Niles
Oh, I guess that's our ride. I'm so sorry we're going to miss your wedding.
Ronee
Oh, so are we.
Daphne
I feel like it's me own dad getting married.
Martin
[pats her head] Oh yeah, it's not gonna be the same without you guys up there.
Niles
Well, don't let me forget the rings.
Ronee
Hey, wait a minute! Why don't we just get married here? I mean, we've got the rings, and-and the preacher...
Martin
Well, what about all the guests?
Ronee
Well, we can do it again for them later. And at least this place only smells like a monkey.
Martin
Well, I'm game. Get cracking, Fras!
Frasier
You know, I'd better, uh, condense this just a bit... [reading the cards] No, I don't need that... and I don't need that. All right... ah. [begins] "It was the great thinker Horace Walpole..."
Martin
Don't need that.
Frasier
[chucks the card] Well, all right then, uh... "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here..."
Rob
Someone call for an ambulance?
Martin
Just a couple seconds, please.
Frasier
All right, Niles, uh, why don't you give them the rings?
Niles
[does] Here.
Frasier
I'll just cut to the chase here. Uh, do you, Martin Crane take Ronee Lawrence to be your lawfully wedded wife, forsaking all others, until death do you part?
Martin
I do.
Frasier
Do you, Ronee Lawrence, take Martin Crane...?
Ronee
I do!
Daphne
Oh, I'm tearing up.
Frasier
You know, if they'd let me say what I planned to, you'd be bawling your eyes out right now.
Frasier
By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.
Niles
We're ready now. [to Martin and Ronee] We're so happy for you both.
Daphne
Congratulations.
Niles
And, you will always remember your anniversary, because it's the same day as your grandson's birthday.
Martin
Yeah, and Eddie's!
Ronee
What?
Martin
Uh, never mind.
Ronee
Eddie's birthday is today? So that's how you came up with May 15th for the hotel?
Martin
Uh...
Ronee
I knew it! And you've been blaming the inn all this time — oh, you are so busted!
Martin
[to the boys] That was a short honeymoon.
Frasier
Hello, Lilith. Hey, it's me. Yeah, listen, I was just calling to check out how Freddy's doing. What, a new one? I thought he was smitten with the old one. Well, you know, he gets that from me. Back in my heyday, I had a new chess coach every month. [chuckles] Well, I'm... spending a lot of time alone lately. Well, you know, Dad and Ronee are still on their honeymoon. Oh yes, they thank you for that very thankful radon detector you sent. Not seeing much of Niles and Daphne either, because they're so busy with the baby... Oh! Uh, sorry to keep you. Yeah, just, uh, just tell Freddy to call me. Okay, bye, Lilith.
Frasier
Oh.
Man
Here to pick up a chair?
Frasier
Right. It's right there.
Man
Sorry I'm late.
Frasier
It's all right.
Man
Been waiting long?
Frasier
Eleven years.
Frasier
Uh, be careful with it.
Frasier
Bebe, hi, it's Frasier. Listen, about that San Francisco job... I think I'll take it.
Gil
Have you heard anything, Frasier?
Frasier
About what?
Noel
The new station manager. They're announcing today.
Gil
My stomach is in knots. I just know they're going to replace sweet, kind-hearted Kenny with some ruthless, Draconian...
Noel
...hard ass!
Gil
That would hardly make up for it.
Bebe
Frasier!
Frasier
[standing] Bebe. Oh, I'll let you know if I hear anything, guys. [goes to Bebe]
Bebe
It's done. When destiny calls, Bebe calls back and screws destiny to the wall.
Frasier
Yes, yes, yes. Shush, shush. I don't want anyone to find out. I'm not telling my family until this evening. [motions her to the window seat]
Bebe
I'm so proud of you.
Frasier
[digging in his pocket] Oh, Bebe, listen, I have something for you. I've decided to give away some of the things that I've accumulated through the years. As sort of a... fresh start, you know.
Bebe
My baby's all grown up. [She puts her hands on his face] I look in your eyes and I see something there that I've never seen before.
Frasier
Wisdom?
Bebe
Crow's feet. Sorry, darling, but you're going to be on TV now. I talked to my face man, he can see you at four o'clock. [dangles a card in front of him]
Frasier
Thanks, Bebe, but no thanks.
Bebe
I'm not talking surgery. Just talking a little tweaking, twenty minutes. I've used him for years.
Frasier
And I'm sure he's very good at what he does, but still it's just not me....
Steve
I'm done next door, so I'll be in the car, Mom.
Frasier
[taking card] Four o'clock it is.
Roz
Yeah. Thank you. Bye.
Noel
You heard something, didn't you?
Roz
[dazed] Yeah.
Frasier
Roz, are you all right?
Gil
Of course not. She's ashen with terror. Spit it out, Roz. Who's the jack-booted tyrant whose fanny I'll be kissing till God knows when?
Roz
Me.
Gil
[kneeling] Joyful news, your majesty.
Frasier
You?! Roz, congratulations! Aren't you excited?
Roz
I don't know. It just hasn't sunk in yet.
Frasier
Well, that's understandable. I remember when I heard that my advice would be heard by millions of people and...
Roz
[yelling in excitement] It just sunk in! I'm the boss! Who wants to go have champagne?
Frasier
Oh gosh, Roz, I'd love to, but I have to go to a doctor's appointment. Can you come to my place for dinner tonight?
Roz
Sure.
Frasier
Oh gosh, I'm so happy for you.
Roz
I'm just so excited.
Gil
Well. Was that worth waiting for?
Noel
[still breathing heavily] He asked you a question, Roz.
Frasier
Bebe, it's Frasier. When you get this, call me, please. I want to thank you for sending me to that quack of yours today! He screwed something up and now my eyes won't stop watering.
Daphne
There she is.
Roz
Congratulations.
Daphne
Well, and to you.
Ronee
Hey, does anyone know what this big occasion is? We had plans and Frasier made us cancel.
Daphne
We're not sure either. He said he had some sort of an announcement to make.
Roz
Awww, there he is.
Niles
Hello, Roz.
Martin
[tickles him] Hey, David, remember me? I'm your grandpa.
Ronee
[tickles him] Yes, and I'm your... Sorry, I just, I can't say it yet.
Roz
Frasier, I brought some champagne if... Were you just crying?
Frasier
No, no, Roz, of course not. Listen, could you take these out for me? [passes her a tray of hors d'oeuvres]
Roz
Sure.
Frasier
Thank you.
Roz
Is Frasier okay?
Martin
Sure, why?
Roz
Well, I think he was crying in the kitchen. I hope he's okay. He's been at the doctor an awful lot lately.
Niles
Has he?
Roz
Yeah, he went today and he missed a whole show because of an appointment last week.
Martin
He hasn't said anything to us.
Frasier
Ronee, I saw you admiring this China pattern.
Ronee
Oh, yes, it's beautiful.
Frasier
Yes, well, I'd like to make a gift of them to you as a complete set.
Ronee
Gosh, Frasier, thank you.
Frasier
Of course. Oh, Niles, I know how much you've always coveted this chess set. [holds it up] And I want you to have it.
Niles
But this is your favourite. This is the one you learned on.
Frasier
Which is why I want it to be the set that you teach that son of yours to play on. I haven't forgot about you, Roz. I'll be right back.
Roz
I don't like this.
Niles
Well, now, let's not get alarmed. It's marriage in the air and a new baby, it's just brought out his sentimental side.
Doctor
[v.o. on machine] Frasier, it's Dr. Hanning. I'm really sorry about your results. I know it doesn't look good but, um, I'm going to do everything I can for you. Call me.
Daphne
Oh my God...
Martin
Do you think that's why he brought us all here tonight?
Frasier
Here we are, Roz. I thought this art deco mirror seemed like you.
Frasier
Well that just shows you. I thought I'd get the bigger reaction from the chess set.
Niles
Frasier, what's going on here?
Martin
Yeah, giving all your stuff away? You're not going anywhere, are you...?
Frasier
Well, I didn't want to say anything until after dinner so as not to bring down the party, but...
Frasier
I see you're all ahead of me. Uh... listen, a couple of weeks ago I got some unexpected news.
Frasier
Now you see, this is exactly what I was trying to avoid. You mustn't think of my leaving you as a sad thing, because I don't. I think of it as an adventure.
Daphne
Oh, Frasier, no....
Frasier
We all knew we weren't going to stay together forever. I mean, that's not what life is about. Cry, if you must, but I assure you, when I pass through that Golden Gate I will be smiling!
Martin
[in utter misery] Golden Gate?
Frasier
Yes! That's where I'm moving to! San Francisco!
Niles
What?
Frasier
My new job. I start next week. Now don't just sit there choking back the tears. Go ahead, let them out.
Niles
To San Francisco.
Frasier
To San Francisco.
Martin
To San Francisco.
Frasier
You know it's just an hour by plane, so I'll be coming back up as often as you like.
Martin
We know, Fras. Don't worry about us.
Niles
We're happy for you.
Frasier
I'm happy for myself. And scared too. But it's a good scared. Sort of the way I felt when I came here from Boston. If I hadn't done that, just think of what I would have missed out on.
Niles
And, look what I would have missed out on. [looking over at Daphne and David] God, they are so beautiful.
Martin
And they'll stay like that as long as she keeps breast feeding.
Daphne
Niles, could you take the baby? I need to get a blanket.
Martin
Mmmm, well this is pretty comfortable. I would have been okay with this!
Frasier
[changing subject] Let me just help you with some of those dishes.
Martin
Ahh, handsome boy.
Niles
Yes. And to think I had myself all worked up worrying that we would have nothing in common.
Martin
Oh, I've been there, Niles. It all works out.
Ronee
Well, Marty, we better get going. I've got a crazy morning.
Roz
Me too. I've got a seven-thirty and then I've got to fire someone.
Daphne
Who?
Roz
Whoever scheduled the seven-thirty meeting!
Daphne
We should go too, honey.
Frasier
Oh, well, if you really must go, all right, but I tell you what, don't go without taking some of these éclairs with you.
Frasier
I'm on TV next week and the only thing worse than seeing them going to waste would be seeing them go to my waist!
Frasier
What?
Roz
Does it mean you're really leaving? [chokes up] What will I ever do without you? [hugging him dearly] You're the sweetest, most wonderful...
Martin
It's okay, Roz. He's not going till next week.
Frasier
Let her talk, Dad!
Roz
You've always been just like a brother to me. [breaking hug] Which is weird, I know, because we slept together, but...
Daphne
Ooh, move over, Roz. [goes to hug him] Do you know how many operas I'm gonna get dragged to now you're not around?
Frasier
Well, I promise I'll fly up for all the German ones!
Martin
Yeah, and he'll be here for Christmas... and Thanksgiving... and birthdays... and... [convincing himself] We'll be sick of this guy!
Frasier
Yeah, Dad's right. I mean, once I'm gone there'll be no getting rid of me.
Martin
Thank you, Frasier. For... well, you know.
Ronee
Go get �em, kid.
Frasier
Sure.
Niles
You already made me cry once tonight. That's quite enough.
Frasier
Right. Coffee tomorrow?
Niles
Ten-thirty.
Niles
I'll miss the coffees.
Frasier
I love you.
Frasier
You all know how I feel about you, and the only reason I'm leaving is because I want what all of you have now: a new chapter. Who knows if it'll even work out? [looking to Martin] But it's like that Tennyson poem Mom had us recite for you when we were kids. Do you remember?
Martin
I think we're about to.
Frasier
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down, It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, and though We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are...
Frasier
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Frasier
I've been thinking about that poem a lot lately. And I think what it says is that, while it's tempting to play it safe, the more we're willing to risk, the more alive we are. In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took. And I hope that explains a little this journey on which I'm about to embark. I have loved every minute with my KACL family and all of you. For eleven years you have heard me say, "I'm listening." Well, you were listening too. And for that I am eternally grateful. Goodnight, Seattle.
Frasier
We had a big party that night. It was all very sweet.
Anne
What was that?
Frasier
Oh, good heavens. [looking out of window] We've touched down.
Anne
Already? [laughs in amazement] Well, thank you so much, I've never had an easier flight.
Frasier
And I've never had more delightful company.
Anne
I think it's great what you're doing.
Frasier
Well, I just know I'd always regret it if I didn't take the chance.
Pilot
[v.o] Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Chicago...
Frasier
[with nervous excitement] Wish me luck.