Three Dates And A Break Up (Part 2)

Daphne

Dr. Crane, are you alright?

Frasier

Daphne, shh... do you hear that?

Daphne

What?

Frasier

The sound of a Sherry-free apartment. [Daphne rolls her eyes] I've been basking in it for the last thirty minutes. Right now, I feel like a seafront village after the Vikings have left.

Frasier

That must be Niles! [opens the door to Niles]

Niles

Frasier.

Frasier

[happy:] Niles. I'd offer you a sherry, but I'm fresh out!

Niles

I can't believe Dad finally came to his senses! Oh, shall we attempt a high-five?

Frasier

Well no, not after what happened last time - your watchband got caught in my hair.

Niles

What a relief to finally have things back to normal.

Frasier

Yes.

Daphne

Hey there, Dr. Crane! How's tricks?

Daphne

I'm trying my American accent.

Niles

Well, stop it! I mean, we Americans are sensitive about our... crude speech patterns.

Daphne

[reverts back to Manchester:] I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend.

Niles

No, no it's quite alright. You have a real flare for accents. Just out of curiosity, have you ever tried a saucy French chamber maid?

Frasier

Niles! [with hands tells him to quit]

Niles

Frasier's just been telling me how well Dad's been taking the break-up with Sherry.

Daphne

Yes, a little too well if you ask me!

Frasier

Daphne, we had this discussion already - he's fine!

Daphne

He's in a lot more pain than he's letting on. You just don't see it because you like having your apartment back.

Frasier

Leave the complex analysis to the professionals!

Martin

Oh hi, Niles. Feel like going to the movies with me and Daphne?

Niles

Oh thanks, but I have plans. Listen Dad, I'm sorry to hear about you and Sherry

Martin

Oh, that's alright. There's nothing to be sorry about. It was kind of fun to go back to my old bachelor days. Yeah, don't worry about me. Easy come, easy go. Do you want a blowmaker?

Niles

No, thanks.

Martin

[nearly all in a sentence:] More for me, I should bake a few of those for the movies, you know-

Daphne

Mr. Crane...

Martin

Come on, I'm only kidding. No, it's kind of fun to laugh at things again. That was the problem with Sherry: she had no sense of humor, just a real stick in the mud, you know? Well hey, we better get going, don't want to be late - I'll get the elevator! [exits]

Daphne

[sarcastic, to Frasier:] Well, what's your diagnosis now?

Frasier

It's a clearcut case of Post-Sherry Euphoria!

Frasier

Oh, there's my canapés.

Niles

Oh, right. Date number two. I'll be off as well. You can fill me in tomorrow.

Frasier

You'll get a full debriefing - [chuckles] As, hopefully, will I.

Frasier

[brings food in and talks to Eddie:] Alright, young animal: learn from the master! Now, bottle these time-honored traditions, and you too might get lucky with that young Pekinese peach you've been eyeing in the park. [holds up a CD:] Now, for mood: Vivaldi. And then, for lighting: not so bright as to show the wrinkles, not so dark as to make her think you're hiding anything. [plays with the lights as the doorbell goes:] Oops, and leaving nothing to chance: [holds up wine bottle] Pouisse Fuisse 1992 - elector a la carte. [tastes it:] Dear God, I could teach a course!

Frasier

Adair. Come in, may I take your coat?

Adair

[enters, takes off her coat:] Thank you. It's so nice of you to have me over. I hope you didn't go to any trouble.

Frasier

Oh, nothing special.

Adair

I guess I feel so strange. I mean, one night I'm at Dr. Frasier Crane's house for a benefit - two days later I'm back at his house for a date.

Frasier

Well, there's one thing I've learned - that life is nothing without spontaneity.

Frasier

Come and have a look at the city. [points to window]

Adair

[taken aback:] Oh, what a lovely view. I didn't fully appreciate it the other night.

Frasier

[staring at her:] My sentiments exactly.

Frasier

Here, a glass of wine. [hands it to her] Here we are. To... Possibilities.

Adair

I wonder if I can see my apartment from here?

Frasier

Well, if you can, don't tell me. I have a telescope and I'm not to be trusted! [laughs]

Adair

Funny, charming... next thing I'm going to find out that you're a great cook.

Frasier

Well, [modest:] don't get your hopes up! [showing her his prepared meal:] Duck confit.

Sherry

Hello, Frasier.

Frasier

[worried] Sherry. Er, my father's not here right now. I'll tell him you stopped by.

Sherry

Oh wait, I just came by to pick something up.

Frasier

Well, why don't you tell me what it is, I'll have it messengered over tomorrow.

Sherry

[upset:] It's my banjo! Can't I have it?

Frasier

Alright, listen, I'm on a date here. So just try to make it quick.

Sherry

Okay. [to Adair:] Hi, how are you?

Frasier

[worried:] She's fine, we're fine, go on.

Frasier

Father's ex-girlfriend. [laughs] Well, where were we?

Adair

Let me just say that this duck is superb. And the way the wine compliments it and the music... I'm guessing you entertain often?

Frasier

Well, no, actually. I'm really rather lonely. Tell you what, take my telescope home, you can see for yourself. [laughs with her]

Sherry

Got the banjo.

Frasier

Oh well, yes, okay, bye-bye.

Sherry

Bye, Frasier. [to Adair:] It was nice seeing you again.

Adair

I'm sorry, have we met?

Sherry

Well, yes, on your date last night. Kimberly, isn't it?

Adair

[confused:] No...

Frasier

[to Sherry:] Well you got what you came for, off you go...

Sherry

I'm sorry hon', but she does look just like the other girl, and besides you were playing the same makeout music-

Frasier

Alright, off you go! [pushes her out]

Frasier

Some more wine?

Adair

Two dates in two nights isn't bad for someone who's lonely.

Frasier

My God, you could hardly call what happened last night a date. The woman who organised the benefit came by, she just dropped in to say thank you.

Adair

Wait a minute. You mean Kimberly Egan? She broke up my first marriage!

Frasier

Well, I hardly know the woman, she spent all of ten minutes here!

Adair

I'm not going through this again. [gets her coat]

Frasier

Adair! Listen, listen, this is all in your mind! I mean, we spent one night together, she means nothing to me!

Adair

[hateful:] Gee, where have I heard that before?!

Frasier

[same tone as before] Go ahead!

Frasier

So, for the second time in two nights Sherry manages to chase away another date! She's like a scarecrow in the cornfield of my love life!

Niles

I don't know how many more of your disastrous love stories I can hear. I'll say "when."

Roz

Hello.

Niles

You look like an almost presentable version of someone who works with my brother.

Roz

Bite me!

Niles

Oh, it is you.

Roz

[sitting saucily:] You haven't seen my high school friend John around here, have you?

Frasier

Well no, we haven't, Roz. I suppose you finally tracked him down?

Roz

Yeah, I'm meeting him here for coffee. I'm going to tell him I'm on my way to a chic cocktail party. This is the "Roz" I want him to talk about when he goes to that wedding this weekend.

Frasier

The vain, neurotic, lying Roz?

Waitress

Oh, are you Roz?

Roz

Yes.

Waitress

There was a call for you from a John Coughlin, he said he's sorry that he can't meet you but he had to take an earlier flight.

Roz

Oh, great!

Waitress

Roz Doyle, right?

Roz

Yeah.

Waitress

Sorry, you don't look anything like he described on the phone.

Roz

All right, before I do anything crazy - like, go to the airport, fly to Wisconsin and crash a wedding - did I really look that bad the other day?

Sherry

Hiya, guys.

Frasier

Oh hi, Sherry.

Sherry

[to Roz:] Gee, you look familiar. Did I see your older sister in here the other day? Oh, she must be jealous of you!

Roz

[o.s.:] TAXI!

Sherry

Mind if I join you?

Frasier

Oh, of course not.

Sherry

I was hoping that I'd catch you here. Well, I've been thinking about what happened yesturday between your dad and me and well, I just can't figure it out. One minute we were having a stupid argument about chopsticks and the next minute we were broken up. Well, I hate to put you on the spot like this, but did he say anything to you?

Frasier

Well, not really. You know how closed up Dad is. Well, he did say that the breakup was a long time coming.

Sherry

Now I really am confused! I mean, I thought everything was going fine. Well, better than fine... Ah, the other night we both said "I Love You" for the first time.

Niles

You did?

Sherry

Yes.

Niles

It's just that in the past he's been rather reserved about expressing himself that way.

Sherry

Well, I guess he sort of hesitated before he said it, but, I mean, a lot of guys do that when you spring it on them for the first time.

Frasier

Yes, well I certainly can tell why you're confused. Well... if you'd like, I could speak to him on your behalf. [Niles kicks him under the table] Ow!

Niles

Oh, I'm sorry, is that your shin?

Sherry

No thanks, Frasier, I don't want to put you in the middle of this. I'm just frustrated. Listen, er, thanks for listening.

Frasier

Of course.

Niles

Anytime.

Sherry

Well ,I really thought I'd hit the jackpot with Marty. It isn't easy finding someone you think the world of. [to Frasier:] Oh, I know, you go tom-catting around with a different girl every night, but you can't find happiness that way.

Frasier

I haven't so far.

Niles

OW! I didn't kick you that hard.

Frasier

You didn't have to kick me at all!

Niles

Well, were you seriously considering playing couples' therapist with Dad and that woman, after we just got rid of her?

Frasier

I have no intention in repairing the rift. God, last night for the first time in months I wasn't jolted awake at two a.m. by her rousing rendition of "Funky Mountain Breakdown"! It seems a little odd that Dad chose to break up with Sherry just after he told her he loved her.

Niles

As I recall she said, "hesitantly said it back to her." To me that's a clear picture of a man who didn't share her feelings.

Frasier

Yes, well I think he does share her feelings. He just panicked out of fear.

Niles

Fear of what?

Frasier

Well, lots of things:change, commitment, becoming vulnerable to someone again. I'm just afraid he broke up with her for all the wrong reasons.

Niles

Well, if he'd like a list of the right reasons it's available on request.

Frasier

The least I can do is have a talk with him.

Niles

No, the least you can do is nothing. Dad hasn't asked for our help. You should just let nature take its course. [getting an idea:] It's like one of those wildlife films with the lion chasing down the antelope. You don't ask why the photographer doesn't interfere - you just accept it!

Frasier

[annoyed] As a general rule Niles, the photographer is not related to the antelope!

Niles

Obviously you and I don't see eye to eye. [Frasier gets up to leave:] Where are you going?

Frasier

I have a date in forty-five minutes, and a bleeding antelope sitting in a Baracalounger in my apartment!

Niles

I suppose that sounded strange to you - I'd be happy to explain it. Are you by any chance free at the end of your shift?

Waitress

[half embarrassed, half laughing:] Sorry. [walks away]

Niles

I've still got it!

Frasier

Not so fast, Mr. Hicks. You won't find me doing anything foolish.

Frasier

[shuffling out, still holding the umbrella over his head] Daphne.

Daphne

Hello, Dr. Crane. Enjoy your evening.

Frasier

Yes, you too.

Daphne

[to the camera:] He's been under a lot of stress lately.

Frasier

Oh Dad, listen, I'm glad you're home. We've gotta talk.

Martin

I can't think which conversation started that way!

Frasier

We have to talk about you and Sherry.

Martin

Why? Look, I'm fine with it. Come on now, let it go.

Frasier

Dad, listen, I spoke with Sherry today.

Martin

You did what? What for?

Frasier

Well, she came to see me. She was a bit confused about what happened the other day and well, from her story, I think what you're contending with here is a classic case of panic induced by fear of commitment.

Martin

Did you hear that, Eddie? That's who buys your dog food!

Frasier

Yes, well she also told me about a little incident that took place the other evening, where she expressed her feelings for you and you hesitantly reciprocated.

Martin

Oh jeez, she told you about that? Look, to cut it short: she told me how she felt about me, I said it back, but I only said it because I felt I had to. That's not really what I feel, so, end of story.

Frasier

Well, listen Dad, there's my date. I'm sorry for butting into your life but I happen to be concerned about you. You may find it hard to believe but your welfare happens to be very important to me.

Sherry

Hi, Frasier.

Frasier

Ah, Sherry.

Sherry

Hi, Martin.

Martin

Hey.

Sherry

You left your Sinatra tape in my car.

Martin

Oh thanks, I've been looking for that.

Sherry

Well, there you go. [places it on table] Bye.

Martin

So long.

Frasier

I saw that, Dad! I saw the way you looked at her. You can't convince me you don't feel the same way about her that she does about you!

Martin

I appreciate what you're doing, I really do, but STOP!

Frasier

Alright, fine, it's your life. I wouldn't interfere.

Frasier

Wait, can you just stay for a few minutes? I think I can straighten this whole thing out.

Sherry

Oh, it sure didn't look like he wanted to.

Frasier

Yes, well he's just being his stubborn, ornery self.

Sherry

I do miss that!

Frasier

Alright, I'll just go and talk to him. Stay here.

Leslie

Frasier.

Frasier

Oh, Leslie.

Leslie

Sorry, I'm a little early.

Sherry

Way to go, Fras'!

Frasier

[worried:] Oh, dear God. Sherry, this is Leslie; Leslie, Sherry. Leslie, come on in. [she does]

Sherry

Frasier, can I use the girl's room?

Frasier

No! [Leslie looks at him] Oh, no... need to ask.

Frasier

May I take your coat? Yes, [takes it] there we are. You see, Sherry is my father's lady friend and they're going through a bit of a rough patch. If you'll excuse for just a moment, I have to talk with him. Just a minute...

Leslie

No, take your time. I can always chat with Sherry!

Frasier

No, no. I mean, look at this fabulous sunset, isn't that something?

Leslie

[at window:] Wow. Even more stunning than I remembered.

Frasier

[staring at her:] Yes, it is! Excuse me for a minute... [remembers:] Oh wait, some wine?

Frasier

To... [getting bored:] possibilities.

Frasier

Oh, Dad.

Martin

Oh, don't worry, I won't get in the way. I'll just go grab a beer!

Frasier

Oh, no trouble at all, Dad.

Frasier

Dad, you and Sherry...

Martin

[had enough:] Oh jeez, I don't believe this! Frasier, it's over. She's gone, she's out of my life!

Martin

What the hell's she doing here?

Frasier

She came in to borrow the powder room, I'll be right back.

Frasier

How's everything out here?

Sherry

Fine, how's everything in there?

Frasier

Fine, fine. I think I just need a few more minutes.

Leslie

[to Sherry:] Are you through with the powder room?

Sherry

Oh sure, it's all yours!

Sherry

Frasier, take all the time you need. I'll entertain your friend.

Frasier

[laughing worriedly:] Oh, what and miss this fabulous sunset?

Sherry

[at window:] Oh yeah, look at that! I forgot how beautiful it is.

Frasier

So it is!

Frasier

Here we go, to possi- oh, what am I doing?!

Frasier

[shouting:] Two minutes, no more!

Frasier

Oh, not you, Leslie.

Martin

Look, I don't know what you're doing. But you go right back out there and get rid of her.

Frasier

Dad, I am not trying to torture you.

Martin

Well, then you're doing a bad job.

Frasier

Alright, listen, I'm still a bit confused about something, maybe you can help me understand it. You said that you don't have any feelings for this woman. Alright then, fine. Why is it for the last three months you've been happier than since my mom died?

Martin

Hey, you just leave your mother out of this!

Frasier

I didn't mean to bring her into this. That's not what I'm talking about... [realises:] Dad, is that what this about? Mom?

Martin

No! Alright?

Frasier

Listen, I'm a psychiatrist.

Martin

Well, I don't need a psychiatrist and I don't need your help!

Frasier

Dad, that is just classic defensive...

Frasier

Excuse me, butterfingers!

Frasier

Now listen, Dad, I do not mean to upset you. I believe that the feelings that you're going through here are feelings of guilt. It's probably natural to feel that way - my God, I understand exactly what you're going through.

Martin

No, you don't, no you don't. You don't understand at all: when you've been married for thirty-five years, you never thought there could be someone else, and one day you hear yourself say, "I love you" to another woman, maybe then you'll understand what I'm going through.

Frasier

Dad, there was a time after my first marriage was breaking up, I was talking to Mom. She said to me, "Frasier, you've got to promise me you're not going to give up." I said, "Mom, please, the last thing I want to hear is a bunch of clichés, and that we're all put on the earth to love each other, and how it's certainly possible for the human heart to love more than one person." I said, "Alright, Mom, give me one good reason to ever let myself fall in love again." She said, "Because I said so and I'm your mother!"

Martin

[smiles:] Yeah, but it sure doesn't help reminding me what a great lady she was.

Frasier

Well, does it help to remind you that Sherry's a pretty great lady too? God, dad, she makes you happy. Niles and I would give anything to have what you have. Well, not WHAT you have but what you HAVE.

Martin

Yeah, she's a pretty great lady, isn't she? I don't know, she'd probably be better off with some guy who isn't going through all this.

Frasier

Well, don't you think you should let her decide that?

Martin

Hiya.

Sherry

[emotionally:] Hi.

Frasier

Well, it looks like those two could use a little privacy. You mind if I take you to the restaurant a little early?

Leslie

I think that's a good idea.

Frasier

We can finish off the wine later... not that we're coming back here... not that I'm obverse to that, of course... I mean, if you're in the mood for a night count.... a nightcap!

Leslie

Well, it looks like your dad and his girlfriend are patching things up.

Frasier

[getting coat:] Yes. Gee, I can't thank you enough for being tolerant about the time delay.

Leslie

[laughs]

Frasier

You'd be surprised, lately women just fly into rages of intolerance under the slightest provocation....

Sherry

Wait, Leslie. Before you go, I just want to say something.

Frasier

[to Leslie:] Oh, good Lord, step lively!

Sherry

Listen, you are a lucky girl to be with someone as sweet as Frasier. He just did a real nice thing for his dad and me.

Frasier

Thank you, Sherry. [precarious:] Off we go!

Martin

We'll ride down with you, we're going down the street to get a little Chinese.

Leslie

Why don't we give you a lift?

Frasier

No! I mean, don't you think the walk would do them good?

Leslie

But I think it's starting to rain! [looks out window] Come on, ride with us.

Sherry

[laughs:] Oh, you're such a doll.

Sherry

Leslie, what do you do?

Leslie

Oh, I'm a dermatologist.

Sherry

Good news, Frasier! If you get lucky tonight she might just look at that rash of yours!

Frasier

[resigned:] Yes...

Sherry

Oh, that reminds me of a great joke....

Frasier

Hold the elevator, will you? [calls:] Eddie!

Frasier

Well, you could at least act surprised!