Something Borrowed Someone Blue (Part 2)
Aired May 18th 2000 · Written by Christopher Lloyd & Joe Keenan · Directed by Pamela Fryman
Carney
This is the lounge. And through there is the dining area where the rehearsal dinner will be.
Frasier
Oh, this is lovely. Say, have you seen the bride-to-be yet? I'd like to have a word with her.
Carney
No, I haven't.
Donny
So, I thought we'd have the toast right before desert.
Daphne
Dr. Crane!
Frasier
Gosh Daphne, I was wondering where you'd gotten to yesterday.
Daphne
Well, after the caterer's, I went straight to Donny's so we could leave bright and early together. It's lovely up here, isn't it?
Frasier
Oh, yes.
Donny
Anybody else want something from the bar? [To bartender] Uh, Scotch, rocks.
Daphne
Donny, it's barely noon!
Donny
Isn't that when your mom said she'd be here?
Daphne
[to bartender] Give him a double.
Frasier
Daphne, I was actually hoping that I could-
Roz
Oh, I'll have whatever he's having.
Daphne
Roz!
Roz
I don't even know why I agreed to come to this wedding. Hi, Daphne. I was all set to drive up here myself, when I think, "Wait a minute! I can't walk into that lobby alone, what if my ex-boyfriend's here?" So I agree to drive up with Simon. There I am, standing on the curb with my garment bag and what does he pull up in? Your father's Winnebago!
Roz
Thank you. Don't go anywhere. [to the others] Next thing I know, we're headed down the highway, in the wrong direction, towards the airport.
Roz
Hey! I wasn't kidding. [to Daphne] Turns out he's promised to ferry your entire family up here.
Daphne
All fourteen of them?
Roz
Fifteen. Your Aunt Ida got the weekend off from the bakery. Judging by the size of her, it'll be the first Saturday they turn a profit.
Frasier
You know, Donny, maybe you could take Roz out for a walk in that rejuvenating country air? While I have a word with your fiancée?
Donny
Come on Roz, let's go.
Roz
You don't mind if I just take this with me, do you?
Barkeep
Well, uh...
Roz
I didn't think so.
Frasier
Daphne, I wanted you to know that I am just completely devastated by what happened.
Daphne
It's all right, Dr. Crane.
Frasier
It's just that when I advised you to have a chat with Niles, I had no idea that he'd run off and get married.
Daphne
I know you're concerned for me, but I'm fine. I thought about it all last night and I realize that what I was feeling was just wedding jitters. I do love your brother, but I'm in love with Donny.
Frasier
You're not just putting on a brave face?
Daphne
No. I'm a bit embarrassed now, making you worry for no reason...
Frasier
Oh, it's all right, Daphne. It's what I do.
Daphne
You've always been such a wonderful friend. In fact, I brought this for the honeymoon, [takes the '45 Petrus out of her bag] but I'd like you to have it.
Frasier
Oh, Daphne, I couldn't.
Daphne
No, Donny and I aren't wine drinkers.
Frasier
I wouldn't dream of it, really.
Daphne
All right then, I'll keep it.
Frasier
[reaching out] Oh, now I've hurt your feelings. Here… [They laugh] Oh gosh, Daphne. I tell you what: I promise that when I do drink this, I'll be thinking of you.
Daphne
Oh, come here.
Frasier
Oh, Daph...
Mum
There's my baby!
Daphne
Mummy!
Daphne
Mum, this is...
Mum
Oh, I know who he is, love. [To Frasier] I want to thank you, Donny, for rescuing my daughter from that horrible Dr. Crane.
Frasier
Well, actually...
Mum
Every time I call her, I'm not on the phone five minutes, before that tyrant is ordering her to hang up. [To bartender] Cup of tea, please. Thought my daughter might get me one, but she didn't. [She sits] Oh, this seat's worse than that Winnebago! Though not half as uncomfortable as that sardine- tin of a room you arranged for me.
Mum
Oh, God, can't bear the smell of that, take it away. Reminds me of the salmon they served on that airplane. Oh, if it doesn't have me hurling me guts out, it'll be by God's own intervention. Now, give your new mom a kiss, Donny.
Daphne
Actually, Mum, this isn't Donny.
Donny
[entering] Oh, is this Mum?
Daphne
This is Donny!
Donny
Hi!
Mum
Well, come here, let's have a good look at you. [To Frasier] We were starting to think our Daphne would never find herself a young man. [Looks at Donny] And I see she hasn't. But, beggars can't be choosers. [Gets up] Well, I'm gonna see if your father's stomach is feeling any better. He keeps saying it's tension! What he's got to be tense about, I'll never know.
Daphne
[cheerfully] I was worried she'd be in one of her dark moods.
Donny
Boy, Daphne's brothers know how to let loose, don't they?
Martin
I'll say. Now listen, about their names: the one who'll eat anything on a bet, that's Nigel...
Donny
No, no, that's Peter. Nigel's the one whose band-aid he ate. See you later.
Martin
Hey, Fras. Had enough?
Frasier
Oh, yeah. I think I hit my limit when I looked down in the middle of my toast and there was a man chewing on my boutonni�re.
Martin
Ah, God, it's been a hell of a week. I STILL can't get over Niles and Mel.
Frasier
Didn't see that one coming.
Martin
Well, at least he say she makes him happy. So, there's nothin' you can do about it, right?
Frasier
Actually...
Martin
Fras! Don't even think about trying to talk him out of it. He's married, end of story.
Frasier
It's really not that simple Dad. You see... Ah, I shouldn't be talking to you about this.
Martin
Is this about Daphne?
Frasier
Why do you say that?
Martin
Oh, come on. I've got eyes, I know something's going on. I've seen the way she's been looking at him.
Frasier
She found out how Niles has felt about her all these years.
Martin
You're kidding! How'd she find out?
Frasier
That's not important right now, Dad. The problem is that she told me she thinks she might have the same feelings for him.
Martin
Oh, geez...
Frasier
'Course then Niles shows up married, now she says it's just jitters.
Martin
Well, you can't tell Niles all this, he says he's happy with Mel.
Frasier
She says she's happy with Donny. But I'm not sure I believe either one of them.
Martin
Just remember Fras, there are two marriages on the line here. So, before you get involved, you better make damn sure you know what you're doing.
Martin
Who blabbed? Roz?
Frasier
Yes, but she feels terrible.
Simon
Hello, boys! Pack of smokes, please, barkeep. Ah, lovely spot, isn't it? I just took a nice little stroll outside, around the wishing well.
Barkeep
That'll be four dollars, please.
Simon
Oh, yeah, right.
Simon
This oughta cover it.
Roz
Tim! What a surprise! I had no idea you'd be here. Simon? Come here.
Simon
Oh, showtime.
Roz
Simon, this is my old friend Tim. He's a computer programmer.
Simon
Oh, what a coincidence, with me owning my own software company.
Tim
Really? What sort of applications are you focused on?
Simon
Voice recognition, data encryption, a little something I'm working on for NASA, can't discuss that one.
Tim
Very impressive. And Roz? Are you still producing?
Simon
Oh, I'll say she is!
Donny
Mind if we join you guys?
Martin
Sure.
Frasier
Please, there's plenty of room.
Martin
[to bartender] Uh, give me a beer, please
Daphne
Sorry we didn't get a toast out of you, Mr. Crane.
Martin
Oh, I'm sorry. I really wanted to, Daphne, but I just felt kind of awkward.
Daphne
Oh, It's all right. Anyway, I should be toasting you. I'm gonna miss you, you rotten old sod.
Barkeep
Ballantine okay?
Martin
Oh, yeah, that's my beer!
Martin
Yes. You know, I just found out they're gonna quit making this stuff?
Frasier
Really?
Martin
Yeah.
Frasier
There's the end of an era.
Martin
That's right. It's gonna be one sad day when I get down to my last one. You know, it's funny. You get used to having something in your life. It's part of your day, you just take it for granted. Then, suddenly it's gone and you realize how much it meant to you.
Niles
Hey, guys! Great party.
Frasier
Oh, Mel, why don't you take my seat, I'm going to sit here and just enjoy the music.
Martin
I'll join you, Fras. Take my beer over there? I just want to go to the rest room.
Donny
You know, seeing as how this is my last night as a carefree bachelor, [to Mel] would you care to dance, Miss?
Mel
I'd love to.
Niles
Uh, oh.
Niles
Well, you certainly picked the perfect spot for your wedding.
Daphne
It is, isn't it? We're doing the ceremony in the garden.
Niles
Mmm, it'll be beautiful.
Daphne
I love this song.
Niles
Well, where are my manners? Would you like to dance?
Daphne
All right! Give us a chance to keep an eye on those two.
Niles
Ahh, it's been a while since we danced together.
Daphne
Yes, it has.
Niles
Thanks for dinner. It's been a wonderful evening.
Daphne
It's one of those times you just don't want to end.
Donny
Excuse me, sir. Mind if I cut in?
Niles
Not at all.
Donny
Thank you.
Niles
Darling.
Niles
What in the world was so urgent that you brought me all the way up here?
Frasier
Niles, just sit down. There's something I need to discuss with you.
Frasier
I was watching you on the dance floor just now, and the look in your eyes was unmistakable.
Niles
Well, can you blame me? Mel's quite the little dancer. Of course her vertigo rules out any serious twirling, but...
Frasier
Niles, I'm talking about Daphne. The way you were looking at her... well, it just breaks my heart.
Niles
Frasier, it was one thing when you were beating this drum the other day, but I'm married now. What's it going to take to convince you that I am over her?
Frasier
She knows.
Niles
What?
Frasier
Daphne knows that you have feelings for her. She's known for some time.
Niles
How?
Frasier
Well, it's a long story. but... I think Roz said something. Anyway, she knows!
Niles
I knew you thought my marriage to Mel was hasty, but to poison it like this... [He gets up and heads for the door] I'm not going to listen to this.
Frasier
Niles, Daphne feels the same way about you!
Frasier
At least I think she does. She told me as much the other day and then denied once you got married. But I saw the way she was looking at you downstairs just now.
Niles
Oh, my God.
Frasier
Niles, I'm not in the habit of breaking up people's marriages. But how could I not tell you? You're my brother, I love you.
Mel
[from outside] Niles, darling?
Niles
[opening the door] Yes, honey.
Mel
You left with our only room key.
Niles
Here, I'll let you through this way. I am so sorry.
Mel
Oh, it's all right. You have a whole lifetime to make it up to me.
Niles
This is awful. I love Mel. It's just...
Frasier
I know, I know...
Niles
[thinks for a moment] I have to talk to Daphne. Come with me. Maybe while I'm speaking to her, you can find some way to occupy - [they open the door, revealing - ] Donny! Daphne!
Donny
Hey, doc. Things are getting a little too wild for us down there.
Niles
Oh well, it's just as well. We all have a very big day tomorrow. About that, Daphne could I have a word with you?
Daphne
All right.
Donny
Yeah, you go ahead. I'm just gonna get out of these shoes and I'll see you in a few minutes.
Frasier
You know, I'll just brave the hordes, see if I can't get myself a nightcap. Uh, good night.
Niles
So, Daphne...
Daphne
Yes?
Niles
May I offer you something to drink?
Daphne
Um, no thank you.
Niles
Oh, all right. Anyway, Daphne...
Daphne
Perhaps an Orangina.
Niles
Oh, all right, maybe I'll join you.
Daphne
[sitting in one of the chairs] Funny thing about Orangina: I never buy Orangina at home, but whenever I'm in a hotel and there's a mini-bar, it's the first thing I go for. Orangina...
Niles
Anyway, I was just talking to Frasier about a conversation you two had.
Daphne
Oh, dear!
Niles
No, no. Don't get upset.
Daphne
I specifically asked him not to say anything. What was he thinking?
Niles
[getting up to follow her] No, I'm glad he told me.
Daphne
Oh, yes! So we can have a big talk about it! That's what you psychiatrists always do, drag everything out into the open so we can work through it. No matter how awkward it might be. Well, I just don't see the point!
Niles
No, Daphne, I'm glad he told me - because I love you.
Martin
Ah, excuse me.
Niles
Dad...
Martin
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were in here with Frasier. The boys are playing a game called "William Tell" with the seltzer hose.
Martin
Oh. Uh, well, anyway... why don't you two go on doing whatever you were doing and I'll just, uh, I'll be down in the lobby. By the fireplace.
Daphne
Dr. Crane, you shouldn't say such things.
Niles
It's the truth. Lord knows, I have tried to deny it, tried to pretend that I am over you, but not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. Your smile, your beautiful eyes, what it would be like to hold your hands and ask you the question I never dared ask!
Donny
[coming through the connecting door] What's the difference between a blister and a boil?
Daphne
Donny!
Donny
God, I took my shoe off and it was like I was growing another ankle bone down here. Doc, you went to med school, what am I supposed to do with this? Lance it or something?
Niles
Oh, well, I. You know, as I recall the best thing for that would be to soak it in tepid water for at least half an hour.
Donny
All right. What luck! Can you imagine a worse thing to have happen to me on the night before my wedding?
Daphne
I don't understand! How come you never said anything before?
Niles
Daphne, I wanted to. I just... the timing just never seemed right.
Daphne
Oh, and the timing's right now? I'm twelve hours from the altar and you're on your honeymoon!
Niles
I would never have gotten married if I thought there was the slightest chance that you shared my feelings. Trust me, Daphne, say the word and I will leave Mel in a heartbeat.
Mel
[coming through HER connecting door] Niles?
Niles
Darling!
Mel
I was just looking over these brochures for our honeymoon. Hi Daphne! [To Niles] Now, the Denali has a step-down tub, but the Greeley has the most romantic view of the Grand Canal. What do you think?
Niles
I think a woman with your exquisite taste can handle this decision.
Mel
[to Daphne] Oh, he says that now. Wait 'til the honeymoon's over.
Daphne
Don't the doors in this bloody place lock?!
Niles
I'll get this one, you get that one.
Niles
Daphne? It is not too late for us. I meant what I said when I said I would leave her.
Daphne
That's crazy!
Niles
No, no, it's NOT crazy. Not if you feel the same way I do. But I need you to tell me, and I can accept it if the answer is "No." How do you feel about me?
Simon
Pardon.
Daphne
Simon! How did you get in here?
Simon
Well, Frasier loaned me his key, in a manner of speaking.
Simon
I have to get some things from the mini-bar, here. Don't want to get caught empty-handed when last call comes.
Simon
You're not havin' a last call of your own in here, are you, Stilts?
Daphne
Of course not!
Simon
Riiight. This isn't the chap whose baby you're havin', is it?
Niles
Excuse me?!
Daphne
I'm not pregnant!
Nigel
[coming in the door] Oi, Simon! Bit o' bad news.
Daphne
Nigel!
Nigel
Peter's gotten sick into the piano, so we've been asked to vacate the bar.
Simon
Bloody hell, Daphne! Nice hotel you picked! Well Nigel, I'm sure Daphne won't mind if we help ourselves to the contents of her mini-bar. 'Way you go.
Nigel
Right. [Shouting down the hall] Give us a hand, lads!
Daphne
Nigel-!
Daphne
Stephen, Peter, David, Michael, Billy! What are you all doing in here?
Mum
So here you all are. What is the point of bringing the party down to the Winnebago when there's a perfectly nice room right here?
Daphne
You're not moving the party in here!
Mum
Oh, Daphne, don't get your blood pressure up! You've got your baby to think of. Here, have a drink and relax.
Daphne
I'm sorry about all that.
Niles
I must be in love. It doesn't even bother me that you come with them. Lovely night isn't it?
Daphne
Mmm.
Niles
The stars are out, nice breeze, [he inhales deeply] mmm, night-blooming jasmine. Of course there's the beautiful girl...
Daphne
Dr. Crane, I still haven't answered your question.
Niles
Yes, I know. That's why I keep talking. In case I don't get the answer I want, I can at least make this moment last a little longer. [Then, for a moment his old fussy self] Not sure if it's jasmine or orange blossoms. You know, a lot of times...
Daphne
Oh, for God's sake, Dr. Crane!
Niles
[as the kiss breaks] I think you can call me "Niles" now.
Daphne
[shaking her head] No. I don't think I can. I do love you, but I can't do this.
Niles
Wh-, whe-, uh... I know it will be difficult, but I will get a divorce, and you can call off the wedding.
Daphne
I can't! Donny is a dear and wonderful man, and I made a promise to him. And Mel! You made more than a promise to her! And we're supposed to forget that? And for what? We have no idea how we'd be together. For heaven's sake, we've never even been on a date.
Niles
Daphne, take it from someone who knows: you don't want to spend half your life thinking about a chance you didn't take.
Daphne
I'm sorry. My mind's made up. I think we should say good night now.
Niles
[finally says] Good night, Daphne.
Daphne
Good night, Dr. Crane.
Martin
Hey, Niles.
Niles
Don't tell me the ceremony's over already.
Martin
Oh, no, it hasn't even started yet.
Frasier
Actually, we saw you heading over this way and we thought you could use some company.
Niles
I just felt like some privacy. This is one wedding I couldn't see myself handling very well.
Martin
Ah, lots of people cry at weddings.
Niles
Yeah, but not so many end up wailing and rending their garments. I appreciate your coming over but I'd hate for you to miss it on my account.
Frasier
Well, actually it's been delayed a bit. You see, the justice of the peace started out asking the witnesses to step forward, and three of Daphne's brothers just ran off into the woods.
Frasier
Ah.
Frasier
Hello.
Waiter
Here's your wine, sir.
Frasier
Yes, thank you very much, young man. [tipping him] And this is for you. Thank you.
Niles
What is this?
Frasier
Well, I got to thinking about our old friend Morrie and how he kept this bottle of wine his entire life, waiting for a special occasion. And then I thought, "What occasion am I saving it for?" And then I thought about what a courageous thing you did last night, taking that chance. And that's worth a toast. [Starts to open the wine]
Niles
No, no, Frasier, don't...
Frasier
No, too late, the foil is pierced.
Martin
I know this thing between you and Mel seems kinda bad right now...
Niles
Oh, Dad, why do you say that? Just because I spent the third night of my marriage proposing to another woman?
Martin
Well, I'm just saying a marriage can survive all kinds of stuff. You know? You might still be happy. Ten years from now, this could all be ancient history.
Niles
I hope you're right.
Frasier
All right gentlemen, here we are now. [Passes out the wine] Dad, Niles, allow me. [Raises his glass] To better days.
Niles
Dad, where did Morrie keep this?
Martin
In his wine rack.
Frasier
Which is...?
Martin
In the boiler room.
Frasier
Oh, lord. I'll just save this little treat for later.
Niles
Yes, well, thanks for the thought. You two should be running along. I'll be fine.
Martin
All right. Well, take care, Niles.
Frasier
You know, I saw a waiter, passing champagne just outside. I'll have him bring you a glass so you can...
Niles
Get the taste out, yes. Thank you, Frasier.
Niles
Come in.
Daphne
Hello.
Niles
[rising] Daphne...
Daphne
I was wondering... if you might be free for a date?
Niles
[rushing to embrace her] Oh, my God, yes!
Daphne
[separating them] There's plenty of time for that later. Let's get this bloody boat moving!
Niles
What, you mean now?
Daphne
There's about a hundred people back there I'm not so keen on seeing.
Niles
[giddy] Well, all right, let's go then.
Niles
Fasten your seat belt, Daphne.
Daphne
Fasten yours, Niles.